Creeds To Remember

"A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself."

-- George Bernard Shaw

"All good things are vanity, the world in all its ends bankrupt, and life a business which does not cover its expenses."

-- Arthur Schopenhauer

1. The Optimist's Creed

2. The Pessimist's Creed

3. The Procrastinator's Creed

4. Murphy's Laws

5. Philosophical Principles Of Tae Kwon Do

6. The Latinist's Creed

7. The Three Universal Creeds

8. The Anti-Creed Creed: A Zen Story

The Optimist's Creed:

Promise Yourself:

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have not time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

The Pessimist's Creed:

What if in the pool I drown?

What if a bomb blows up the town?

What if I get run over?

What if I find a 3-leaf clover?

What if they've extended school?

What if I get killed at the pool?

What if I get caught in the hall without a pass?

What if I'm late for class?

What if the boardwalk sank?

What if there's sugar in the gas tank?

What if I flunk math?

What if the school bully's filled with wrath?

What if the bus driver writes me up?

What if I throw up?

What if I get teased?

What if an elephant near me sneezed?

What if they close the store?

What if they start a war?

What if they put me under a dome?

What if nobody likes this poem?

The Procrastinator's Creed:

1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.

2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.

3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.

4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.

5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.

6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.

7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesimally small, is not exactly zero.

8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.

9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.

10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.

11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task.

12. I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but is wait/plan/plan.

13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.

14. I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized.

Murphy's Laws:

1. Nothing is as easy as it looks.

2. Everything takes longer than you think.

3. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

4. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. Corollary: If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.

5. If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.

6. If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.

7. Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.

8. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

9. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.

10. Mother Nature is a bitch.

11. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

12. Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.

13. Every solution breeds new problems.

Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics: Things get worse under pressure.

Murphy's Constant: Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.

Philosophical Principles Of Tae Kwon Do:

(From General Choi Hong Hi, Founder of Tae Kwon Do.)

1. Be willing to go where the going may be tough and do the things that are worth doing even though they are difficult.

2. Be gentle to the weak and tough to the strong.

3. Be content with what you have in money and position but never in skills.

4. Always finish what you begin, be it large or small.

5. Be a willing teacher to anyone regardless of religion, race, or ideology.

6. Never yield to repression or threat in the pursuit of a noble cause.

7. Teach attitude and skill with action rather than words.

8. Always be yourself even though your circumstances may change.

9. Be the eternal teacher who teaches with the body when young, with words when old, and by moral precept even after death.

The Latinist's Creed:

I believe in Latin because it develops the memory, the reason, the judgment, the imagination;

I believe in Latin because it develops observation, accuracy, and concentration of mind, and thus lays the foundation for the largest success in business or professional life;

I believe in Latin because through translation it trains one to express oneself in English with clearness and force, -- an indispensable requisite for civic influence;

I believe in Latin because it familiarizes one with the history and the thought of the greatest nation of antiquity, the nation that furnished us with the basis of our own laws and government, language and literature;

I believe in Latin because there is no other school study in which one can find so strong a combination as this of thorough mental discipline, acquaintance with the language and the civilization at the basis of our own, and the ability to express one's views convincingly.

The Anti-Creed Creed: A Zen Story:

The following is lifted from D.T. Suzuki's Introduction To Zen Buddhism:

"The Emperor Wu of the Liang dynasty requested Fu Daishi (Fu-ta-shih, 497-569) to discourse on a Buddhist sutra. The Daishi taking the chair sat solemnly in it but uttered not a word. The Emperor said, 'I asked you to give a discourse, and why do you not begin to speak?" Shih, one of the Emperor's attendants, said, 'The Daishi has finished discoursing.' What kind of a sermon did this silent Buddhist philosopher deliver? Later on, a Zen master commenting on the above says, 'What an eloquent sermon it was!"